In the latest episode of the family-focused podcast In My Opinion (IMO) – hosted by Michelle Obama and her brother Craig Robinson – the former president joined the conversation to respond to a listener’s question about how to raise emotionally intelligent boys in a culture increasingly shaped by toxic masculinity and harmful online ideologies.

Obama, a father of two daughters, drew from both personal experience and broader societal insight, emphasizing the need to expose young men to diverse perspectives – especially when it comes to masculinity.

“I do think as a society, we have to create more structures for boys and men to meet a wide range of role models,” Obama said. “So that whatever their inclinations, they can see a path to success that isn’t just sports or making a lot of money.”

While athletic and financial accomplishments often dominate traditional ideas of male success, Obama argued that this narrow focus can leave boys emotionally isolated. Instead, he encouraged families to broaden their sons’ circles – and to look beyond just the nuclear family.

“No matter how good a dad is, he can’t be everything,” he added. “Sometimes, a boy needs someone outside the home to help him reflect on what he’s learning inside of it.”

A Personal Turning Point

Obama went on to share a story that’s been pivotal in his personal evolution: his relationship with an openly gay college professor during his years at Occidental College in the early 1980s – a time when LGBTQ visibility was still rare and often risky.

“I had a gay professor in college who became one of my favorite mentors,” he said. “He would call me out when I said ignorant stuff, and that made a real impact. You need that to develop empathy and kindness.”

Though Obama didn’t name the professor on the podcast, he has previously credited Dr. Lawrence Goldyn – a political science professor at Occidental – as one of the first openly gay adults in his life who helped shift his understanding of LGBTQ+ issues.

In a 2008 interview with The Advocate, Obama described Goldyn as someone who “wasn’t trying to preach,” but who modeled self-confidence and authenticity just by being himself. That quiet courage, Obama said, taught him volumes.

“He went out of his way to support gay, lesbian and transgender students, and this was back in 1978,” Obama told Out magazine in 2015. “It took a lot of guts to be that open and helpful at the time.”

Goldyn’s influence stuck with Obama, who invited him to the White House Pride Month reception during his presidency to personally thank him for the role he played.

Learning to Unlearn

Obama has also been open about the journey he took to get to that point. In his 2020 memoir A Promised Land, he admitted to using homophobic slurs during his youth – a reflection, he wrote, of the insecurity and social pressure many boys face.

“They were callow attempts to fortify our masculinity and hide our insecurities,” Obama wrote of the language he used with friends as a teenager.

But his experience in college – where he began meeting openly queer peers and educators – led to a personal reckoning. “I felt ashamed of my past behavior,” he wrote, “and learned to do better.”

Expanding the Circle of Support

On the podcast, Obama also offered advice to cisgender and heterosexual parents about how they can better prepare their children – especially sons – to embrace diversity, including in gender identity and sexual orientation.

“Straight parents should have friends in their lives who are part of the LGBTQ community,” Obama said. “That way, if your son is gay or nonbinary or exploring who they are, they’ll know they’re not alone — they’ll have someone they can look up to.”

His comments come at a time when many young men are exposed to toxic messaging through online platforms and social media influencers who often promote misogyny, homophobia, and rigid gender roles. Platforms like TikTok and YouTube have been increasingly scrutinized for harboring so-called “manosphere” content that preys on insecurity and fosters resentment, particularly toward women and LGBTQ+ people.

Obama’s solution? Counter those narratives early by widening boys’ emotional vocabulary, encouraging self-awareness, and ensuring that they grow up seeing a diversity of successful, emotionally attuned men – including those who are LGBTQ+.

A Lifelong Commitment to Inclusion

During his presidency, Obama became a historic figure for LGBTQ+ rights – repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” endorsing same-sex marriage before many political leaders did, and hosting the first-ever White House Pride events.

But his reflections on IMO show that his commitment to LGBTQ+ inclusion is also deeply personal. It’s rooted in real relationships, in moments of learning – and unlearning – and in the belief that raising kind, open-hearted boys takes an entire community.

At a time when empathy is too often seen as a weakness and difference is treated with suspicion, Obama’s message is a timely reminder: emotional intelligence isn’t just nice to have. It’s essential – and LGBTQ+ people have a powerful role to play in shaping the next generation of boys into better men.