Sir Ian McKellen has spent decades living proudly and helping others do the same. Still, the celebrated actor wishes he had shared his truth with one important person before it was too late.
During an appearance on Tea with Judi Dench, McKellen opened up about the regret he carries over never coming out to his father, Denis Murray McKellen, before his death in 1964.
The conversation began after McKellen revisited a letter his father had written to him for his 21st birthday. At the time, the future Lord of the Rings star was away at university and already understood that he was gay.
“He was only saying he loved me and I’d done well and he’d always be looking out for me, I think,” McKellen told Dench in a clip shared exclusively with Attitude.
Looking back, the actor said accepting his sexuality had become one of the most significant parts of his young life.
“Of course, looking back now, I knew I was gay at 21,” he said. “It was the biggest thing in my life, really, the discovery of acceptance of that.”
Yet McKellen did not feel able to share that discovery with his father.
“One of the first persons I should have talked to about it would have been Dad. But I didn’t,” he said.
Decades later, McKellen still wonders whether his father may have already known and was quietly trying to give his son an opportunity to open up.
“He’s sending me this letter full of love,” McKellen recalled. “And I wonder, looking back, was he saying, is there anything you want to talk to me about?”
McKellen’s mother, Margery Lois McKellen, died of breast cancer in 1952, when he was 12. His father died 12 years later, long before the actor publicly came out.
McKellen eventually disclosed that he was gay in January 1988 at age 48 while speaking during a live BBC Radio discussion about Section 28, the British law that prohibited local authorities and schools from “promoting” homosexuality.
When he later came out to his sister, Jean, McKellen discovered she had understood his sexuality for years but had been waiting for him to begin the conversation.
“Her first reaction was, ‘Oh, Ian, I’ve known that for ages, and I’ve never wanted to talk to you about it because I thought you didn’t want to,’” he recalled.
The exchange left McKellen reflecting on how silence can keep families from having the conversations they may already be ready to embrace. He described the years spent concealing his sexuality from the people closest to him as “a waste of time.”
Although McKellen has few things he would change about his life, never having that conversation with his parents still stays with him.
“I have few regrets in my life,” he said, “but that’s one of them.”
Ian McKellen Returns as Gandalf
Away from the deeply personal reflection, McKellen is also preparing to revisit one of his most beloved roles. The actor recently confirmed he will return as Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings: The Hunt for Gollum, alongside Elijah Wood as Frodo.
McKellen shared the news during a For the Love of Fantasy convention panel in London. “I’ll tell you two secrets about casting,” he teased. “There’s a character in the movie called Frodo. And there’s another character called Gandalf. And apart from that my lips are sealed.”
The film is expected to explore events between The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogies, though details about how Gandalf and Frodo will factor into the story remain under wraps.
