Straight allies, we love you. Your rainbow nail polish and “Yas Queen” energy mean the world. But sometimes, just sometimes, your good intentions come wrapped in phrases that land with a thud instead of a hug. In honor of Pride Month, we’ve rounded up some of the most well-meaning but hilariously off-base things straight people say to their queer friends.

Because hey, you tried. And that’s… something.

Backhanded Compliments, the Musical

Let’s start with the classics. These are the comments that sound supportive, until you think about them for more than two seconds.

“You don’t look gay!”
Translation: You expected a stereotype, and we failed to deliver it.

“You’re trans? I never would’ve guessed, you look totally normal!”
You meant “passing,” but what you really said was that there’s a “normal” way to look… and we weren’t supposed to meet the standard.

“You’re nothing like other lesbians I’ve met.”
This is just a rebrand of “you’re one of the good ones” and no one asked for that remake.

“You’re way too pretty to be gay!”
We missed the part where sexuality was based on a face card. And there are PLENTY of pretty queer folks.

Stereotypes Dressed as Support

Some phrases feel like they came straight out of a 2005 sitcom, all personality, no nuance.

“I need a gay best friend!”
We’re people, not purse-sized therapists with skincare tips and a punchy one-liner quota

“Which one of you is the guy?”
This question pops up at every queer wedding, and somehow still hasn’t retired. Spoiler: Neither of us is the guy. That’s the point.

The “I Don’t See Labels” Olympics

Then there are the moments where people try to be extra chill about queerness, and in doing so, erase it entirely.

“I don’t care if you’re gay, just don’t hit on me.”
You’ve centered yourself in a story that’s not about you. No offense, but we weren’t planning on it.

“Why does everything have to be so political?”
Our existence isn’t a debate topic. If being seen feels political to you, imagine how living it feels to us.

“Do you have to talk about being queer all the time?”
If we don’t, no one else will — and some of us spent years not talking about it just to stay safe.

Confused But Curious

The bisexual erasure hits hardest here.

“Wait, you’re bi? Doesn’t that mean you’re just confused?”
No, Brenda. It means we’re attracted to more than one gender, and we still don’t want your boyfriend.

“So if you’re pan, does that mean you’re attracted to literally everyone?”
Why it misses: No, we’re not in love with your barista, your dog walker, and your dad.

“So, like, what are you into in bed?”
If we just told you we’re queer and your first follow-up is about our sex life, you’re in the wrong lane, babe.

A Little Grace Goes a Long Way

Look, no one gets it right 100% of the time. Being a good ally isn’t about nailing every term or rainbow-washing your wardrobe. It’s about listening, learning, and showing up. Pride isn’t just a party, it’s a reminder that queer people exist year-round, in all our variety, vibrancy, and yes, even messy moments.

So the next time you want to say something “supportive,” maybe pause and ask yourself: Is this about them… or me? And if you do mess up, don’t panic. Apologize, laugh with us, not at us, and try again.

We’ll still let you come to the gay bar (maybe).