Colton Underwood, former NFL player and reality TV star, is speaking candidly about the strange and performative culture of professional football locker rooms. On Grindr’s Who’s the A**hole? with Katya podcast, the former Bachelor described what he calls a “weird homoeroticism” where players discuss intimate details openly but enforce unspoken rules about masculinity and sexuality.
“There’s like this weird homoeroticism that happens in locker rooms where they talk openly about each other’s privates, but you can’t stare too long or else then it’s like, then you’re gay, but it’s like, we’re talking about our dicks. We’re not gay. It’s this whole performative thing that goes on and peacocking,” Underwood said.
The 34-year-old reflected on how this environment affected his mental health and performance. “I was so compartmentalized and I pushed and suppressed all these feelings and anger and anxiety. If I could’ve just fully been myself, would I have been a better player?”
From NFL to Reality TV
After a brief NFL career, Underwood gained national attention on The Bachelorette and then as The Bachelor. He admitted his reality TV journey involved complex self-manipulation while he remained closeted.
“I do think there was a version of me signing up to be on The Bachelor that was like self-conversion therapy… there was always this weird self-manipulation that I was doing to myself to try not to be out, not to live out,” he explained.
He also credited his transparency during the audition process with helping him stand out to producers. “I would tell them, ‘I’m here to make a great show for you guys. Here’s my boundaries though. Just don’t mess with my top three girls and I want to make great television.’”
Life Beyond the Spotlight
Since coming out in 2021, Underwood has embraced life as a husband and father. He married political strategist Jordan C. Brown in 2023, and they welcomed a son, Bishop Colton Brown-Underwood, a year later. He discussed their fertility journey candidly: “A lot of people don’t even know the egg donor is a different woman than our surrogate… at one point we had a 12 person fertility team. I felt like I had to [be public] because I lied so publicly… I would have hoped somebody would have been public with this so that I can access that information.”
About Brown, Underwood said, “He matches and checks every box that I’ve ever wanted. We fell in love very quickly. I credit that to the ‘Bachelor’ style [of] dating, and what I took from that show.”
Grindr, Reverse Catfishing, and Queer Spaces
Underwood also opened up about using Grindr as a teen navigating closeted life. “It very much was the experience of being able to protect myself from a privacy standpoint… I think was a really good experience. It allowed other people to sort of be anonymous.”
He even admitted to “reverse catfishing” to hide his identity. “I didn’t ever want to use my real photos. I would put pictures that were not as good. So when they showed up, they were like, ‘Wow, this is even better than the photos.’ That’s what I did when I was closeted.”
Faith and Reflection
Though he identifies as a Christian, Underwood rejects organized religion. “Structured and organized religion, I do not subscribe to… there’s a lot that the church covers up and hides, and it’s gross. It’s a business at the end of the day.”
Underwood’s reflections reveal the complicated intersections of fame, sexuality, and professional sports. His candid discussion of NFL locker room culture, Grindr, and fatherhood offers a glimpse into how he navigated the pressures of public life while staying true to himself.
Season 4 of Who’s the A**hole? with Katya launched last week with drag icon Jinkx Monsoon, continuing a guest list that has included Olympic freeskier Gus Kenworthy and Hacks actor Meg Stalter.
