Frotting, or frot, means consensual genital rubbing without penetration. The term usually describes penis-to-penis contact, though people use it more broadly too. It counts as sex. HIV risk is much lower than with anal or vaginal intercourse, but skin contact can transmit herpes, HPV, syphilis and mpox.
Merriam-Webster defines the parent word, frottage, as “the act of obtaining sexual stimulation by rubbing against a person or object.” The dictionary traces it to frotter, a French verb meaning “to rub.” Remove consent and you’re talking about something else. The MSD Manual uses a separate term, frotteurism, for “intense sexual arousal from touching or rubbing against a nonconsenting person,” and names subways, buses and elevators as common places it happens.
Frotting vs. Frottage, Tribbing and Dry Humping
People trade these terms around constantly. Here’s how dictionaries, and the people who actually use the words, tell them apart.
| Term | What it means | Where the definition comes from |
|---|---|---|
| Frotting or frot | Genital rubbing without penetration, usually penis to penis and face to face | Bill Weintraub’s 2002 op-ed; Green’s Dictionary of Slang |
| Frottage | Rubbing against a person or object for sexual stimulation | Merriam-Webster |
| Dry humping | Genital rubbing through clothes | Merriam-Webster, first known use 1964 |
| Tribadism or tribbing | Sex between women “in which the external genitalia are rubbed together” | Merriam-Webster |
| Frotteurism | Rubbing against someone who hasn’t consented | MSD Manual |
Cis gay men don’t own frot. Trans and nonbinary people grind, and so do couples in every combination you can think of. A lot of them just call it rubbing.
Where ‘Frot’ Came From: Rabelais and Frottage
The sexual meaning goes back further than you’d guess. Green’s Dictionary of Slang, in its entry for the verb frot, points to a sexual “frotting” in Thomas Urquhart’s 1653 English translation of Rabelais. Its earliest dated citation for the verb itself is from Britain’s Observer, in 1973.
Frottage showed up in English already wearing a judgment. Etymonline dates it to “1933 as the name of a sexual perversion,” from the French frottage, “rubbing, friction.”
Gay Sex Without Anal Is Common, a 25,000-Man Study Found
Fewer than 40%. That’s the share of surveyed gay and bisexual men who had anal intercourse during their most recent sexual encounter, in a 2011 Journal of Sexual Medicine study of nearly 25,000 men, Indiana University reported. Kissing was the most common thing they did.
“There is certainly a misguided belief that ‘gay sex equals anal sex,’ which is simply untrue much of the time,” lead author Joshua Rosenberger said in the university’s release.
Men who skip anal later got a name of their own from sex therapist Joe Kort. He writes that he started pushing “side” in a 2013 Huffington Post article. Sides, as he puts it, “prefer to kiss, hug and engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and rubbing up and down on each other.” Grindr eventually added “side” as a position option, which Gayety covered when it was first reported.
How to Frot: Positions, Lube and Talking First
Start with consent and comfort. Nobody needs to take a top or bottom role, and penetration doesn’t need to be part of the plan.
- Talk first. Find out what each of you likes, and agree on how either of you can pause or stop. Mid-grind, a quick “this good?” covers it.
- Pick a position you can hold. Lying face to face is the classic. With one partner on top, the partner underneath gets more say over pressure. Side by side goes easy on knees and backs.
- Add lube. You want friction, but dry skin chafes fast. Water-based or silicone-based lube works for most people. Using latex condoms? CDC recommends water-based or silicone-based lubricant. Oil-based products can weaken latex and increase the chance of breakage.
- Use your hands. A lubed hand wrapped around both penises adds grip and keeps you aligned.
- Stop for soreness. If it feels raw or stings, or the skin breaks, take a break. Broken skin raises infection risk too.
You can keep your clothes on. Underwear or gym shorts cut down on direct skin contact, though rough fabric chafes.
Can You Get HIV From Frotting?
Very low risk. CDC explains that fluids carrying the virus “must come into contact with a mucous membrane or damaged tissue” before HIV can spread. On intact skin, the agency is blunt: “there is no chance of transmission if skin is unbroken.” Touching is on CDC’s list of activities that don’t spread HIV.
There’s one caveat that applies to frot in particular. CDC notes the penis has mucous membranes inside it. So the theoretical route is semen or pre-cum getting into the opening at the tip, or an open cut or sore.
You can push the risk even lower. An undetectable viral load prevents HIV transmission through sex, CDC says, and PrEP “is highly effective for preventing HIV from sex” when taken as prescribed. Gayety’s guide to PrEP pills and shots walks through the options.
Frotting STI Risks: Herpes, HPV, Syphilis and Mpox
Skin is where other STIs get you. Frot is skin contact from start to finish.
| Infection | How it can spread during frot | What helps |
|---|---|---|
| Herpes | Skin can shed the virus “from areas that do not have a visible herpes sore,” CDC says | Daily antiviral medicine for the partner with herpes; skipping sex during outbreaks |
| HPV | “Close skin-to-skin touching during sex,” per CDC | HPV vaccine; CDC’s vaccine page lists catch-up shots through age 26, and some adults 27 to 45 choose it after talking with a doctor |
| Syphilis | “Direct contact with a syphilis sore,” according to CDC | Regular blood tests; it’s curable with antibiotics |
| Mpox | CDC lists “touching the genitals (penis, testicles, labia, and vagina) or anus” as a route of spread | The two-dose JYNNEOS vaccine for people at increased risk, per CDC |
Herpes is everywhere. In 2020, an estimated 520 million people ages 15 to 49 had HSV-2, according to the World Health Organization, which says it “primarily spreads by skin-to-skin contact.” CDC calls HPV the most common STI.
Condoms can reduce the risk of herpes, HPV and syphilis when they cover the exposed area, according to CDC’s STI treatment guidelines. They can’t cover every area of skin involved, so protection is incomplete. Avoid contact with sores or a new rash, even when using a condom.
If either of you has a sore, bump or rash you can’t explain, skip frot and get it looked at. Lots of these infections spread with no symptoms at all, so a testing schedule that fits your sex life beats eyeballing a partner. Mpox hasn’t gone anywhere: California’s Stanislaus County confirmed four cases this fall, two of them clade I.
For gay and bisexual men and trans women who’ve had a recent bacterial STI, CDC’s doxy-PEP guidance addresses syphilis and chlamydia risk, though it’s built around oral, vaginal and anal sex. Ask a health care provider about the testing, vaccines and prevention that fit your situation.
Frotting and Frot FAQ
What does frotting mean?
Rubbing genitals together for pleasure, with no penetration. It most often describes two penises, face to face, and it’s one kind of frottage.
Is frotting the same as frottage?
Close, but no. Frottage is the broader dictionary word for rubbing against a person or object for sexual stimulation. Frot is narrower and mostly used by gay men.
Is frotting safe?
For HIV, it’s lower risk than anal or vaginal sex, since CDC says HIV doesn’t pass through unbroken skin. It isn’t risk free, though. Herpes, HPV, syphilis and mpox spread through contact with skin or sores.
Can you get an STI from frotting?
Yes. The main worry is skin-to-skin infections, and condoms don’t cover all the skin involved. HPV and mpox vaccines can reduce those risks. Regular testing helps detect infections that may have no symptoms.
Does frotting count as sex?
Yes. Fewer than 40% of gay and bisexual men in the Indiana University study had anal sex during their most recent encounter. Sex doesn’t need penetration.
What is a ‘side’ in gay sex?
A gay or bi man who prefers sex without anal penetration. Joe Kort says he started promoting the term in a 2013 article, and Grindr later added it as a position option.
