When Zoya Biglary was coming out nearly a decade ago, she struggled to find stories that reflected her own experience.
As a queer Middle Eastern woman, many of the resources she encountered felt disconnected from the realities she was navigating. There were articles about coming out and LGBTQ+ acceptance, but few addressed the close-knit family dynamics, cultural expectations, and deep-rooted feelings of shame that can make the process especially complicated for many people from Middle Eastern backgrounds.
Today, Biglary is hoping to change that.
The creator, entrepreneur, and founder of Fysh Foods has released a new ebook, It’s Not a Big Deal: A Guide to Coming Out, a free resource designed to help LGBTQ+ people navigate one of the most emotional and life-changing moments of their lives. While the guide is written for anyone who may be struggling with coming out, it was heavily inspired by the conversations Biglary has had over the years with queer people from Middle Eastern communities who rarely see their stories reflected in mainstream LGBTQ+ spaces.
Inspired by Thousands of Conversations
For Biglary, the idea for the book didn’t come from a publishing deal or a long-term business plan. It came from years of answering messages.
“There’s really not a single day that goes by where I don’t receive at least one DM from either a Middle Eastern child or a Middle Eastern parent of a child who is queer asking for advice,” Biglary told us.
Those messages and the need for answers became impossible to ignore. People were looking for an outlet, for a resource to help guide them.
Over time, she realized that many people were asking the same questions she once had. How do you tell your family? What happens if they don’t understand? What do you do with the fear, guilt, and anxiety that can build up before coming out? And perhaps most importantly, does it ever get easier?
While there are countless articles, videos, and guides available online, Biglary felt many failed to address the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ people growing up in cultures where family reputation, community perception, and tradition often play a significant role.
“Very few things were really conveying what it felt like to have this intense family background, this very close-knit culture that really navigates around shame and what other people say,” she explained.
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A Personal Guide, Not a Textbook
The result is a guide that feels less like a textbook and more like a conversation with someone who’s already been through it.
Throughout the ebook, Biglary shares practical advice alongside stories from her own life. She opens up about the years she spent hiding her identity, the fear she felt before coming out to her family, and the loneliness that followed when acceptance didn’t come immediately.
“I felt very alone,” she said. “I wish I had something like the book that I’m putting out then.”
That honesty is part of what makes the guide resonate. Biglary doesn’t promise that every coming out story will be easy, nor does she pretend that acceptance happens overnight. In fact, one of the book’s central messages is that healing often takes time.
Coming Out Didn’t Happen Overnight
One of the most powerful parts of It’s Not a Big Deal is Biglary’s willingness to share her own story.
Long before she became a creator with hundreds of thousands of followers, a successful entrepreneur, and a happily married woman, Biglary spent years struggling with whether she should come out at all.
She knew she was queer for nearly a decade before telling her parents. During that time, fear, guilt, and shame often outweighed her desire to live openly. While she had carefully planned what she wanted to say, actually saying the words felt impossible.
“I was no match for the shame and the deep feelings of guilt that were washing over me every single day,” Biglary writes. “It took so long.”
The moment that ultimately changed everything came during a turbulent flight home from a trip. As the plane suddenly dropped in the air, Biglary thought she might die.
Instead of thinking about work or unfinished goals, her mind went somewhere else entirely.
“I thought to myself, ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m going to die and my family doesn’t even know who I am,'” she recalled.
The next day, she told her mother.
What followed wasn’t immediate rejection, but it wasn’t immediate acceptance either. Biglary describes watching her parents struggle to reconcile the future they had imagined for her with the reality she was sharing. While they loved her, understanding and acceptance took time.
“I had to watch them in real time go through the steps of mourning me and the idea they had of me,” she said.
Those difficult years became a driving force behind the book. Biglary hopes readers who are currently living through that uncertainty will find comfort in knowing that their story is still being written.
Today, she is married to her wife, food creator Alix Traeger, and surrounded by family members who once struggled to understand her identity. The couple also created From A to Z, a YouTube series that follows their marriage, family dynamics, and everyday adventures through a mix of reality television and comedy.
Looking back, Biglary says she wishes she had access to a resource that could have reminded her that acceptance, happiness, and peace were still possible.
“I wish I had something like the book that I’m putting out then,” she said. “At least to make me feel like, ‘Hey, no, someone just like me did it who looks like me, who comes from a background like me, did it and she’s so happy and she’s okay now.'”
That sense of hope is woven throughout It’s Not a Big Deal — not because Biglary believes coming out is easy, but because she knows firsthand that life on the other side can be worth it.
Why It’s Called It’s Not a Big Deal
At first glance, It’s Not a Big Deal may seem like a contradiction. After all, Biglary knows better than most that coming out can feel like the biggest deal in the world.
But she describes the title as an act of optimism.
“It’s almost like manifesting,” she said. “I know it’s a really big deal, but I would like to have us believe it’s not that big of a deal.”
For Biglary, the phrase represents the world she hopes future generations inherit — one where LGBTQ+ people aren’t forced to carry so much fear around simply being themselves.
Centering Self-Love and Preparation
At its core, the guide focuses on preparation, self-love, and helping readers understand that there is life — and joy — on the other side of fear.
One lesson she returns to repeatedly is the importance of building a strong foundation of self-worth before tackling difficult conversations with family and loved ones. Self-love, she argues, can become an anchor when everything else feels uncertain.
“It sounds so cliché, but self-love is so important because when you’re being shaken like a tree, right? If self-love is your roots, when this very difficult experience starts to shake you and your leaves are falling and the branches are falling, if your roots are really good, you’re going to be okay.”
Biglary hopes readers leave the guide feeling more prepared for whatever comes next, while also understanding that their worth is not dependent on anyone else’s reaction.
Making the Resource Free for Everyone
She also wanted to make sure the guide was accessible to anyone who needed it.
Rather than releasing a traditional book, Biglary chose to make the project a free digital download. Readers can access it privately from a phone, tablet, or computer without worrying about cost or leaving a paper trail.
“I didn’t want people to have a barrier of entry of cost,” Biglary said. “I just made it free for people to enjoy.”
For someone who spent years searching for representation, that’s ultimately what the project comes down to: making sure others don’t have to search quite so hard.
Biglary knows there are still queer people around the world — especially in Middle Eastern communities — who feel isolated, scared, or convinced that no one understands what they’re going through. If her guide can make even one person feel seen, then it has done its job.
“I hope it truly is just the small guide that makes a scary process slightly less scary,” she said. “So that people know that they are not alone.”
How to Access the Ebook
“You’re about to read a book about coming out to your Middle Eastern family, which means you’re already braver than you think.”
In It’s Not a Big Deal, Biglary shares her personal coming-out journey alongside 10 practical exercises designed to help readers navigate their own path toward self-acceptance and freedom. From learning to embrace who you are to preparing for difficult conversations and whatever may come next, the guide offers thoughtful advice, encouragement, and tools for approaching the coming-out process with (somewhat) confidence.
You can access the book here.
