At forty-one, musician Mike Maimone never imagined he would become a widower. In his new book, Guess What? I Love You, he chronicles the profound love story he shared with his late husband, legendary publicist Howard Bragman.
Maimone reveals how grief shattered everything he thought he understood about life. When he lost his husband to cancer, he didn’t just lose the man he loved, he lost the future they had envisioned, his ability to dream, and, at times, even his sense of self.
“What I didn’t expect was that grief, as disorienting as it is, could also become a doorway. Not a way out of pain, but a way through it.”
Now, three years after losing his “forever guy,” Maimone says he has been surprised to rediscover meaning, purpose, and even beauty in the wake of profound loss. Here are the five steps he credits with helping him begin his healing journey:
1. Acknowledge Grief
The first step was the hardest: I surrendered to the notion that I was in mourning. People could be so blunt. Some asked when I’d start dating again, others just wanted to know if I’d at least had a happy ending massage yet. These questions were more about “moving on” than “moving forward.”
We live in a culture that treats sadness like a problem to solve. But grief isn’t a problem. It’s the love we still feel, without its intended recipient. And it’s the price we pay for loving deeply. When you allow yourself to live in it, to sit down in the muck and embrace it without judgment or timeline, you honor the magnitude of what you’ve lost. That honesty becomes the foundation for everything that follows.
2. Stay Open to Connection
Grief can be isolating. Again, our culture doesn’t provide healthy outlets for grieving. We’re not supposed to talk about it. People get visibly uncomfortable if you try to be real about the one reality we all have in common.
But healing rarely happens alone. Whether it’s close friends, family, therapy, or even strangers who’ve walked a similar path, connection reminds you that you’re still part of the world. You’re just carrying the grief with you, taking one moment at a time.
3. Say Yes to Possibilities
For a while, day-to-day life feels wrong. Like you’re cheating on your departed loved one when you finally manage to smile again. Establishing a new routine alone feels impossible. So don’t. Instead, focus on small yeses.
Go for an intentional walk. Just walk, without your phone, and notice things around you, reflect on what you’re seeing, smelling, tasting, hearing, and feeling. If something makes you think of your loved one, embrace it. Tell them about it. In your head or if you feel like it, say it aloud.
Start a creative project of any kind: painting, gardening, learn Photoshop or to play an instrument. There are a wealth of tutorials on YouTube, or you could find a community center with in-person classes.
Begin a “morning pages” journal. Write three pages of anything to start your day, even if you start with “I don’t know what to write and I don’t feel like doing this.” Start there and follow that path until you have three pages of random thoughts. You’ll be amazed how they evolve over the weeks, months, and years.
Take a short trip to refresh your environment. These small choices don’t erase grief, but they gently expand your world again. Over time, those small yeses can lead to bigger ones. Before you realize it, life begins to open in ways you couldn’t have imagined.
4. Create Meaning from the Loss
Growth doesn’t come from grief itself; it comes from what we do with it. For me, that meant telling my story, writing music, and finding ways to honor my late husband and the love we experienced. For someone else, it might be advocacy or volunteering. Meaning-making transforms loss into something that continues to matter.
5. Allow Yourself to Become Someone New
Grief changes you. There’s no going back to who you were before. That can feel terrifying. But it can also be an invitation. Carry forward the love, the lessons, and the resilience you’ve discovered. And yes, you are resilient. You have been through the worst, and you are still here.
You get to decide who you become now. Growth doesn’t mean leaving your past behind. It means integrating it into a fuller, more expansive version of yourself. My “forever guy” will always be a part of my story. So will my love for him, and the grief that comes with that.
When we allow all three to coexist, we begin to see that even in the deepest loss, there is still the possibility of a meaningful, vibrant life ahead.
